The Sparrow In My Land Of Dreams

One day I slept, the pillow so soft, the pink blanket touched my chest,

I was small then, a girl of eight, with pink ribbons in my hair,

Dreamt of candy floss and balloons and lollipops,

Dreamt of that pink dress in the window of that thatched rooftop shop.

I woke up and my mom held me tightly saying,

‘Yes, my doll, will buy you that pink dress with those matching ballerinas soon,

And that brown teddy bear and stacks full of chocolates and mugs full of milkshake.’

I jumped in joy danced around the room, dressed and went to school.

The sparrow flew that day, little by little,

From the nest in that tree, rising its wings in the sky.

I slept again another night, a girl with those rimmed glasses,

The pink dress now just a white one, the blanket replaced by books.

Books, books, everywhere, so much to look into, so much to take in.

Those black diaries and those piles of notes,

Those checked papers with those ‘A’ grades everywhere,

Without which came tears and without which all the dreams seemed shattered.

I woke up when my mom held me close, a coffee mug in her hand,

And said, ‘Yes, my genius, you will top in class,

And daddy will buy you the new pen set in that window of the thatched rooftop shop.’

The sparrow had to fly more, beyond the clouds and beyond heaven,

Its wings stretched and the sky all open.

I slept again, yet tonight, without a pillow, without a blanket,

Without a pink or a white dress.

I turned around, time and again, yes, it was midnight.

A midnight so dark, a midnight without the crescent moon smiling down.

I sat up and stared, darkness all around.

Got up and walked from here to there and everywhere.

Even the most beautiful music did not soothe the ears.

They wanted only one sound, a music so wonderful, a music so dear.

I had a machine then, a tiny machine that beeped every second.

This night it did not beep, I don’t think it ever will.

From the time I had dreamt of candy floss, to the time I had topped in class,

To the time I sang nursery rhymes making everyone clap and smile,

To this time when a few hours back I had made someone cry,

I knew how to hurt others now, I think I have grown up,

To join that band of adults who roam around the streets,

Thinking about themselves to be the best,

Thinking the world to be a new quest.

Yes, he is crying tonight and I guess I too am.

My tears don’t matter, they never did,

Neither when my balloon burst nor when I came second.

It was all my fault maybe, I realize it now.

Only if I would have agreed to say a sorry just some hours back,

Only if I could ask him to come back.

I cannot not sleep tonight, I don’t think I ever will.

Oh, dawn come soon and take away this invisible moon.

I might not get up tomorrow morning, I might not see the light,

I might not be able to say a sorry,

I might not be have arms hug me.

Neither was I a doll now, nor a genius,

Just a girl in love, a girl who had hurt her lover.

The sparrow had wished to fly high,

Yes, it had wished to be a falcon,

With its wings spread high in the open blue sky.

To wear that crown of oak leaves and show the world it did succeed

But that sparrow came back weak and feeble,

Fell down the tree and could not rise again,

No mother to feed, no lover to love

That sparrow now, in my land of dreams,

Can do none but only scream.