We married in December. And I know how it feels to be
married. I work all day long in an MNC despite my heart and soul not being in
it, for nothing much but the money. I am the Branch Head of this company and it
gives me not a lot of pleasure including a few holidays each year and a few
other luxuries of life without which maybe my living cannot be possible
anymore. Thus I work but it’s still the few yearly holidays that I anticipate.
Yes, ours is a love marriage like all you guys out there but
then it would be wrong for you to take myself and him and our relationship to
be similar to yours because it is not. He is my best friend and it’s not a new
bond that we share. My love for him goes long back to when there wasn’t Facebook
and when we used our parent’s phones to talk for hours. We never knew this
would happen someday but then it did, not because we didn’t get anyone else to
marry but because for us, the whole world did not contain another soul.
So this year like every time we did have another fantastic
holiday plan. We don’t go to roam around new places or to bring mall full of
things back home or to get photographs clicked in front of tall monuments or to
see elephants running around. We go to places as lonely as the cloudy sky, as
lonely as mid ocean, as lonely as the treetop nests. We go to spend time alone
yet together, to love each other, to be only with each other. I know the
feeling of what it is to be loved. Since the time he came into this small life
of mine, I have always known how it is to be loved. Our love started when we
were tiny kids and we used to make fun of each other day and night and pull
each other’s legs tight but then we grew up. We don’t talk as much now because
when we are away from each other all we do is to talk to the world around but
when together all we do is stare, feel, love and feel loved. Life has been
great all these years and I know it is going to remain the same at least till
the time we are together. No, we don’t dream of a world without each other
because such a world does not exist. It never did and so it never will.
I am sitting on the roof of my car. We do this every year.
This time we came to the highest hills. Its evening now, and the sun will be
setting sometime soon after which we will get inside the car like every year,
have the rest of the coffee, turn on his favourite songs like every time and
then forget the world around in each other’s embrace. Somehow the sun doesn’t
seem to set today. The watch reads 5.12 but the sun doesn’t seem to be going
off to sleep. I want the moon and the stars because its heaven to be kissed in
darkness and silence. We have the silence but what about the darkness? Will it
be coming any soon?
Ananya
The doctor reads out this page to me. I don’t know what the
words mean because I did not listen to most of it. The day is coming to an end
and the sun will be setting soon. Isn’t this somewhat similar to what she read
out just now? I don’t know why she read that piece out to me though! My mom
came to visit me today. I asked her where Arjun was. She told me that he is
taking a world tour at the moment visiting the famous universities all over and
giving guest lectures in there. I envy his job much. I am a white collared
worker but at the moment I live in this place, I don’t really know for what
reason though.
‘Mom, please ask Arjun to visit me sometimes. Please tell
him, that I miss him and I love him. Please tell him to come back to me soon
and take me away from here. I don’t like it here. I feel lonely and they feed
me rice every day. I hate rice so much. Ask Arjun to bring me chocolates.
Please. Also tell him that these people here do not like me. They keep me tied
up for ours and they push in needles everyday for no good reason and they
sometimes give me tiny sparks here and there which hurt. I don’t realize why
they do this. What is wrong with me mom? Why don’t you say anything to me? You
are all the same. I don’t love any of you. I just love Arjun. Tell him to come
back.’ After this my mom left with tears in her eyes. I guess I was very harsh
today but what do I do? I miss Arjun really bad. He was all I had but now he
isn’t bothered about his wife. The doctor came in again. She says her name is
Roshni which means light. I read it in Hindi when I was small, I told her after
which she smiled and looked at me as if with a lot of questions. ‘Why does mom
cry every time she comes here’, I asked but she was quiet and then she stared
to read out to me the rest of that story. ‘I am not interested in this story’,
I said and asked her to leave me alone.
I am lying down on my bed and some beautiful images cross by
my eyes- an open sky, the wide hills, the sun on verge of setting down, a car,
coffee mugs. All of a sudden I can hear a beautiful music. I jump up with joy.
‘Arjun, you came so soon? Mom told you that I was missing you so much eh?’
There were tears of happiness in my eyes. Arjun stayed quiet just the way he
always does and embraced me. He made me lie down on the bed and he caressed my
hair and kissed my face. I held him tight asking him never to leave me alone.
He promised he would not. He promised he would take me away from here, from
this place that makes me sicker each day. I closed my eyes slowly. It was a
peaceful sleep I was getting after really long.
Mrs Sen, I am Roshni speaking. Ananya had to be injected yet
again. Why don’t you just come and tell us what happened with her? Why is
Ananya’s diary incomplete that way? Why doesn’t she want to listen to her written
pages and where is Arjun? Why don’t you call him here? It’s been a year since
she is here and since we are asking you the same question. Look, we can’t help
your daughter if you don’t communicate with us.’
I woke up this morning only to find my mom talking to
Roshni. Heaven knows why she cries yet again though! I am not interested
because Arjun came back now. I don’t know where he is this morning. Guess, he
has gone out to take his morning walk. He promised that he would take me away
soon.
Roshni came in I am in the mood to sleep but she handed me
these particular pages and this black diary she reads out to me every day from.
What am I even to do with these now? The papers read out the following:
22nd December 2007
Dear Mrs Sen
Every year I return back to your little resort with my
husband and I am so much in love with this place and the hills and the sky
around. It’s beautiful. We discovered this tiny place on one of our drives and
since then we return back each year. We married on the same day a year back and
every year we hope to return to your heaven together because we know of no
world other than the one which has both of us in it.
Love
Ananya
22nd December 2008
Dear Mrs Sen
Look, we returned back this year as well and this time we
are expecting a baby. Yes, I am going to be a mother soon and when we come back
next year we will have the little one with us.
Love
Ananya
22nd December 2009
Dear Mrs Sen
Something happened while I was driving sometime back. I
think we skid off a hill or something. I am all fine though. He scolded me a
lot and we lost our baby. I know it’s my entire fault and that’s the reason he
went away to his world tour around all the stupid universities. Thus, I
returned all alone this time because we had promised each other that whatever
the reason be, every year on the 22nd we would spend our afternoon
on the roof of the car watching the sunset. Hope he just comes here soon
because he promised me he would.
Love
Ananya
22nd December 2010
Dear Mrs Sen
I came back this year as well because he had promised to
meet me here. I feel so lonely you won’t believe. I hope he does come fast and
joins me on the roof of the car. I brought all his favourite music CDs with me
as well.
Love
Ananya
There weren’t any more letters but I just wonder
who this girl Ananya is and why has she been writing such weird letters to this
someone called Mrs Sen but how am I to be bothered? I would ask Arjun if he
knows someone who has been on world tours around universities other than him as
well. If he would know of anyone then I would ask Roshni to tell Ananya so that
she can stop writing letters once and for all. And why was mom here today
morning as well? I don’t really understand why doesn’t she just takes me home. Wait,
Arjun promised me he would but where is he now?
