Careless Whispers

The lock turned making my foot,

Step into a world of dust and dirt,

Onto the stairs that led me up to my huge room on the seventh floor.

No, I dare not take the elevator! It reminded me of you,

The day you taught me to love you first,

The day you made me fly in the open sky.

Opening the door, I entered house.

Dark it was, as dark as the starless sky on a new moon night.

A candle somewhere glittering in the darkness,

The smell of fresh strawberries or was it wine?

Darkness, darkness everywhere, inside and out,

And wherever else the eyes could reach.

I was helpless! Yes, maybe, I am afraid of the dark,

Of the black, of what seems empty!

But darkness was the part where time and again I just return back!

Peace and silence and the crickets screaming wherever the ears could take,

Yes! There was a breeze, a cold breeze that,

Gave me this sense of helplessness,

On a cold winter night in this month of December.

The eyes roamed around here and there in the dark,

They searched the shadow that can be called 'you'.

No, you are nowhere to be seen!

No,You dont live with me!

The darkness swept me back into helplessness,

Making me sit down on the floor,

Making me weep!

The eyes fell on the candle light,

The nose smelt the strawberries again,

The ears went back to listening the sound of the crickets screaming!

Where? Where? Oh! Where were they?

Well, they had stopped!

It was the silence that I hated, the peace that surrounded me!

This feeling of helplessness that sent me back to the world of darkness!

'Save me someone, pull me out' was all I wished to scream.

I wished to scream to out loud, call out to the spirits of bliss!

However, it was only tears that I could shed!

Where was the streak of light that I wanted to see?

The eyes saw the outside sky which gave no sense of darkness,

Which shone bright light through every other room in the city where I lived!

The mind wanted to just cry out loud,

Saying the words- 'Why? Why me?'

Where was the light that I wished to see?

No light, no sound, nothing wasn't a state of life I ever wanted.

I had a life too, a life full of laughter, a life full of love!

I sat there and wept wondering where the candle, the strawberries came from!

Who brought them here? I have no one! I live alone!

My love stays afar! He never comes like the wishing star!

Something pulled me up! I could see nothing at all!

It was dark! It pulled me away, away into wonderland.

I could still not see a part, nor a shadow.

Just a heavy breadth, the kind of breadth,

That I was once in love with!

How could this happen?

How could a lonely Friday night give me so much of pleasure?

I spent Fridays alone! Alone in the darkness,

Weeping out loud in loneliness!

Crying to the skies to send me away,

Away to a far off land from where no one returns!

The candle was brought closer but could I still escape darkness?

Could I still see a speck?

Nothing at all! Just a breadth and,

The feeling of cold skin touching mine in a heavy embrace.

Lips kissing my lips, fingers touching me everywhere,

The breadth saying that it loved me.

Careless whispers from your heart, whispers that said everything!

Careless whispers that swept me away,

Far away on to the away onto the clouds of heaven!

You don't live here! No, you live nowhere now!

I lost you a long time back!

I lost you because angels loved you more! You live with them now!

Yes, you are a star.

A star that shines every night, a star that calls me to itself.

Yes, I wish to come and I call it everyday to take me away!

Where was that star today?

It was with me, here in my arms!

Yes, you have come, finally to me!

You were with me wanting to make me yours.

I am yours, now and forever. I wont leave you now.

No, never!

No, no, no, you just cannot go!!!

The wind blew the candle off.

The cold wind took away even the last speck of light!

I dont see a streak now! Nothing, nowhere! Where are you?

Where are the hands that held me just a moment ago?

And where is that breadth, the one that I wanted? The one that was mine?

I ran to the room, I ran to the other room,

I ran here and there screaming out loud!

I ran calling out only one name!

Shadow, shadow, where are you?

I ran to the balcony, saw the sky had cleared up.

The breeze just blew past making me shiver.

Oh! Where are you?

I looked at the sky! A star shone! I know it was you.

 You had come to love me today!

Yes, you did remember, it was my birthday!

Like every year, when we had a candle light dance and then cut a strawberry cake,

Then raised a toast with campaign and made love till next dawn.

I stood at the balcony now, alone, helpless, without any reason to live.

You were my reason for everything but now you are gone.

I looked down!

It was the plain wet concrete, cold and dull!

I did nothing, just smiled, laughed once, rather twice.

I knew what to do then,

I knew where to go!

No, I am not crazy! I am in no way insane!

I am just mad, mad for you, mad about you. I just want you.

Closing my eyes, I felt like the wingless bird!

Just a thump and a queer sense of pain for a few moments.

Yes, the breeze hit me back and forth!

However, I dont wish to open my eyes.

Silence now! No helplessness, only darkness!!

This darkness scares me no more.

Now I just stare. Yes, I smile down at the luckless world from the sky.

I am lucky!

I am with the one I loved,

And can be with him forever after!

I dont wish to hover elsewhere!

I know how I will get all the happiness just here!

Cloudburst and Memories

To the one, my heart beats for.......

I sit by the open window staring at the sky, 

It seems an open stage with darkness all around.

Dark clouds awaiting the dark rains.

My dark heart to the core is filled with pain.

Filled with loneliness and the longing for love.

Take away with you, Oh blowing wind,

my words.

Take away with you, Oh falling rain,

my songs.

Take away with you, Oh flying leaves,

my spirit.

To distant lands where lives my heart.

Take me away one thousand miles,

where lives my love.

Still with such longing, I close the window,

I draw the curtains and the secret chambers.

A year later,

A phone call, the words- 'I am here',

Picked me up from the red chair, I sat on.

The restless breadth and the words- 'Just wait',

The big moment seemed to have come.

I knew a long weary walk awaited,

Endless steps and an endless walk that could,

reach me to the moon.

I had to walk some miles, and then others after that.

I, in deep red that day just by chance,

started from the start.

A blank point alone, filled with

thoughts, hope and happiness.

The mind flashed memories, the dates passed by, the faces flew past.

Yet, the word I could only embrace was- 'Atlast'!

The heart filled with happiness, suddenly

Made way to fear,

Only because it remembered how years had gone by,

How the mind had been washed clean of faces,

Faces so bright, so filled with love.

Alas! It could not memorize a part!

I was mid-way thinking, of sad times,

Times, I sat besides the open window,

Crying out to the rains,

To take me away to where my heart lived.

Today I need not have flown with the winds to a magical land.

Today, magic was all around,

In the air, in the soil, on the road I walked on.

The heart did thump, rather banged and cheered.

It just wanted a glimpse of the person most dear.

The walk ended, the heart beat fastened.

The eyes could see huge buildings, a lonely scene void of anything,

The ears could hear nothing other than,

Birds chirping, trucks rolling, people screaming and the noise of the phone.

Yes! The same noise that had filled me with passionate delight,

whenever it danced in my ears.

Over the years, over the days, throughout my childhood,

Yes, I have grown up so much since then,

Yes, I am a lovely lady now, the lady of her love!

The eyes opened and it saw a sight,

A sight, I had almost died to get a glimpse of,

The sight I went to heaven in search of,

A sight so tall, so dark, so white!

Yes! Finally! It was the sight!

I was a statue, hardly breathing.

Those hands came and hugged me, embracing.

The mind flashed back memories, of how,

I once sat besides the window pane,

Longing for the love, laughter and embrace.

I would have stood there still, loving and laughing,

Looking at the sight so dear forever.

Now we walked side by side, hand in hand, heart in heart,

How we were one atlast!!

Bringing back, reaching the destination,

I found it was a window, a bed, a room,

The same window pane, I sat besides,

On a rainy day alone, a year back, crying for love,

Sending the winds, the rains and the leaves,

To fetch the one I loved.

They did their part perhaps, they kept their promise alas!

You are my life now and I am yours.

People say- 'You cant catch clouds, feel stars, smell winds.'

I could as I lay in your arms with,

My lips on yours, hearing your heartbeat,

So loud and clear, hearing your breadth,

That ran for me.

The moments passed away like dewdrops do,

On early winter mornings, like the moon does,

Every fortnight, like the sun does every dusk.

Just the way darkness gives way to light,

I lay there, in your arms, kissing you with all my might,

Like the birds embrace dawn and the fish embrace water.

They call them theirs, 

I call you mine!

Months pass and this afternoon, I sit here in darkness.

And its hard to hold a candle in the cold November rain.

Yes, its raining once more as I sit besides the window pane today,

The same window pane I had cried on,

The same window pane that had washed away every single tear of mine.

The sky again, an open stage, so dark, so clear, so filled with rain.

But today apart from, 

The blowing wind and falling rain and flying leaves,

I also see floating angels, flying demons, mighty dragons and dead spirits.

I see them dancing in the open sky!

The heart should fear and call you closer.

Instead all the heart does is silently cry,

Tears of happiness all along the way,

But I blow them away today,

Ten thousand droplets of tears and another,

Ten thousand gallons of love, here I send today,

Asking the rain to bring it all the way,

Ten thousand miles away,

To where lives my heart,

To where lives my life,

To where you live.

The windows will forever remain open now,

The curtains will never close.

Each time the sky darkens and prepares a new show.

I will be sitting and gazing with open eyes.

The magic of the angels and the dance of the demons,

The floating of the rain clouds.

Will take me away like every time,

To where you breathe, live and sleep,

To where this heart of mine forever wishes to reach!!

LIFE at the JADAVPUR UNIVERSITY Department of COMPARATIVE LITERATURE...

Resting in peace at home for all these months had made me believe that the future is very dark for me! All I did since the morning was to lie down on the bed thinking, rather dreaming about some places or subjects that could never be mine! (Its not that I suck in studies or something by the way) Things however dont go the way we want them too! I may have a terrible bad luck but even that starts shining once in a blue moon!
So here I am now, Roll Number 21 in the first year class at the Jadavpur University Department of Comparative Literature. I may not know anything at all but even then I can boast about quite a lot of facts...
I cannot say that I was very excited or happy or delighted to be here on the first day because all I did that day was to come, sit, listen and run back home! I felt he same on the second day, the third day and the fourth day! (Unpopularity sucks big time! Did I say that?) But then things dont remain the same! If they would have then life would have been great for some and not so great for the others...

Here I am directly trying to point out towards my gang with which I am terribly in love. Awww, you might feel that this is nostalgic! But then again a gang is always made up of not very perfect, somewhat stupid and somewhat very irritating people with whom your mindset matches!(I am totally like that by the way). Now what I am trying to say is that .......... my life is impossible without---

1. The useless gossips at 'Jheelpaar' everyday.

2. The numerous OC's that my friends make.

3. The random clicking of photos of dogs and cats and people.

4. Tying to find the place where the most  inexpensive food is sold.

5. The boring and the not so boring classes.

6. The classroom ledge and the staircase graffiti.

7. Trying to find the river dolphin and the various snakes and the birds and the monkeys and the dogs as my friends say.

8. The strumming of the guitar and listening to all the English Bands which I loathed or didnt even know about till a few years.

8. The emo. modes!

9. Worldview.

(You may feel that I use horrible short forms but even then I am just a novice!) This is what makes my everyday....... I waste days without touching a single book, without adhering to any rules, (For once we are rules less at JU. I know the place rocks and you might want to come and take my place but then again you can not be me.) without any useful talks!.... I stay at my beloved university more than I stay at home because I like the noise, the time pass and everything thing else (even the food)!.... I can rightfully say that I have at last  got my dream college, a place without which my days go sad and which is in literal terms 'Heaven on Earth'! And I know that I am luckier than most other people here! I have with me so many people who are the best! Even though these three years are going to go away very fast, I know that these are going to be among the best!...... I hated some schools of my life a lot by the way! Yes, I know you might be wondering about how many schools I have been to but then thats a long story altogether! I am so happy to be without an uniform in any case!

A day in the life of **Popular People** (Self experienced and faced)

10.30 am- I walk into the class in the morning with no one to stare at me other than the benches and the dirty tables!!
10.45 am- A girl enters my class not looking at the teacher's desk but me!
11.00 am- The class is almost filled with people who talk a lot! They are talking and talking! I am talking too!
What's the deal in that? ....... The big deal is that they are all either talking to me or wanting to talk to me! they are even complementing me! I look great! I am really liking this!!!
11.15 am- The class just started! The teacher just took the attendance! But why was everyone staring at me?
11.45 am- The class is still going on! And of course the teacher notices only me because....... I know everything!
1.00   pm- The classes are all over at last! I am running out of the class with friends to escape people from attacking and calling me!
2.00  pm- I am still chatting with friends! But you won't believe that people actually followed me from class! I am not liking this! I want to be invisible! My friends don't like intruders! But I am popular! Can I hate the fact????
5.00  pm- Time to go home! Mom is calling! (I am popular at home too.)  I walked passed the gate! Some people just said a big 'bye'! I actually don't know who they were! Were they actually from my class or something? Who cares?..... They know me!!! I am fine with that!!
8.00  pm- I have so many useless messages on my phone! These are from people I dont even know! How do so many people know about my number? Who gave them? Who told them to call and disturb me? I am very busy!!

This was just one day of my life! Do you still feel its great to be popular? Yeah, why not? Being popular is being the best of course! I like being that way! I love myself! ........... Yeah, man I am popular!
(Based on a day in one of my very good friend's life! So don't dare to even think that its about me anyhow)

Two nights of Love !....... By me, Smita Mehta and Ishani De , as a memoir to the BCL classes!

Written in the most chaotic of all situations over the past two days...
July 15th and 16th 

My car was yet again struck in a traffic snarl. My hands were pressed on the horn when my phone started to ring! I picked it up even without checking who the caller was. The voice was unknown to me but it was a relief in the chaos just the way a silent storm sounds on the sea. Even before I could have known that it was my new boss, I had already sort of fallen for the voice.
Finally I reached my office, now in a better mood, though! Everyone was staring at me, not because I and my clothes were in a mess but because disappointment and terror awaited me as ever! Soon after, I saw a message on my office desk ordering me to come into the boss's cabin. I was dreading the fact because I had reached office at 12 when I should have been there by 9 (not to mention, that I woke up at 10). I gathered up courage and entered the room and just then I heard the same voice talk about a conference to be held over the next two days for which I needed to prepare immediately!
Sitting next to my boss in the business class of the the Kingfisher, I realized that he is very good-looking and one of the most amazing persons I have ever met in my life! So I just couldn't stop conversing-
 " I am sorry, sir!" He didn't say much except the usual and the most unexpected-  " Please try to be punctual. That is the first step to success." Though I wished that he goes on and on with his stupid talks, Neel discussed nothing more than the conference!
A shocking news awaited us when we reached Switzerland six hours later. There was a huge landslide and the conference was of course postponed. We reached the hotel which was completely filled and we could manage nothing more than a single room. We changed clothes and when I came into the room I saw that Neel was sitting on the only queen-sized bed looking completely worn out and disgusted! He had been effected by the jet lag and the shocking news that both of us would have to stay locked up for two days in this horribly small hotel room gave him chills!
I heard the hailstorm outside! It gave me a sense of excitement and happiness! I was away from home and my nagging parents! I sat besides the window without any work for the first time! I had never felt so lonely before! I realized that although I was 28, I was still pretty single! I looked at Neel..... and just then the lights went off!
Neel called out- "Aisha, where are you??" I said- " I am here, besides the window." He said- "I cannot see you. Its pretty dark." "I am coming. We need a candle or even better the fire. Its cold too." I said, but sadly i stumbled over the sofa and fell down just then! I heard footsteps nearing me and soon a match was struck and for the first time my eyes met his. I had never felt so great in my life before this. The voice that I had loved since the first conversation was becoming mine at last! I knew that he did like me even though he never said so! He was single and in need for love! I could give him happiness!
The rest can be called as history of course! No, we did not marry and settle down here in Switzerland forever (that would have been heights of insanity). We just spent the two days locked up in the room!
We will marry soon and you would be the first person or thing or whatever to know about this! Till then lots of love----
Aisha